I'M pretty sure the world is divided into two types of people - those who watch Strictly Come Dancing and those who watch The X Factor.

I have to say, even though I've lapsed a bit with the latest series, I fall into the Strictly camp.

My family is split between the two camps and after weeks of banter over the shows, and the fact I write a TV column, I decided I should really check out The X Factor for myself.

Of course, I have seen it before, but only in short bursts, and often through the gaps between my fingers while my hands are cupped over my face.

I remember watching it one week and listening in amazement as the judges heaped praise on several contestants who I thought, dare I say it, sounded out of tune. It was like The Emperor's New Clothes.

Were we watching the same show, I thought?

But who am I to judge - I'm only a mild-mannered member of the public who buys cds and listens to music.

I'm not Simon Cowell or Sharon Osbourne with all that special inside knowledge. They are the experts. I mean, let's not forget, Simon Cowell is the man behind the success of the likes of Robson & Jerome.

I suppose it's all a matter of opinion, right?

Anyway, it seems to me The X Factor is all about showmanship - sadly though, not on the stage. The judges provide most of it - but let's face it someone has to.

I read the other week that Sharon quit' the show after she couldn't choose between which of her acts to send home. Presumably, she couldn't decide which was worse!

She was back the following week - now there's a surprise, but I suppose that's showbiz baby.

I taped Saturday's contest, and the subsequent results show, which was a bizarre experience to say the least, because watching it on Sunday night, even with the ability to fast forward through the adverts, it still felt like the longest two-plus hours of my life.

For me the most annoying thing about the show - if you put aside the contestants, judges, hysterical audience, Dermot O'Leary and the dodgy dancing of guests Boyz II Men - was the voice-over man who announced each act.

Didn't he used to do Gladiators?

I'm pretty sure he works on the assumption that if you say something loud enough, in a deep enough voice, it will sound interesting. In fairness, the technique seems to work on the studio audience.

Anyway, after witnessing some of the acts I did wonder if the show should be aired before the 9pm watershed (actually, does that still exist these days?), since some of them were just plain scary.

Top of my list was Rhydian (they don't appear to have surnames in The X Factor) who sang Pink's Get the Party Started in swing style on Saturday.

Silver-suited Rhydian's act was like Liberace meets Shirley Bassey, and not in a good way I hasten to add.

His delivery was something akin to Robosinger, but the judges loved it! Simon described it as the best performance he'd ever seen on X Factor. Although, I took that with a pinch of salt after he later described a performance by another contestant, as the best of the night. Huh?

Equally, they loved brother and sister act Same Difference, who went beyond scary, to really, really frightening.

It was a bit like watching The Carpenters on LSD.

Sharon gushed at the duo: "You would never get a bad word out of me," which was true, since she never seems to say a bad word about anyone, apart from poor old Andy, who must have been really upset. A bad word from the praise-laden Shaz must cut deeper than panto baddie Simon Cowell's criticism.

Anyway, I suppose it keeps them all off the streets - but it ain't ballroom dancing, is it?