How to be a good counsellor

She runs short courses in Counselling and Interpersonal Skills at South Bucks Counselling in High Wycombe, as well as teaching counselling at Birkbeck University in London.

She sees clients in private practice and runs a supervision group for therapists. Here she gives tips on how to be a good counsellor.

What is the difference between a counsellor and a friend? As a professional counsellor, I’m sometimes asked why people with problems don’t just rely on their friends and family for help and support.

I know from my years of training and experience that counselling offers something very different from supportive friendship. But if you’re one of those people that others turn to when they have a problem, then learning some basic counselling skills can help.

One of the most important skills used by counsellors is active listening. Next time a friend or colleague wants to confide in you, try to remember some of these points: Sit together in a comfortable, quiet, private space, where you’re not likely to be interrupted.

Really focus on what the other person is saying, by making good eye contact and giving all your attention for a specific amount of time. Turn off your phone and clear away any other distractions.

Make it clear that whatever you’re told will be kept confidential and stick to this.

Avoid giving advice (“Why don’t you try....?”) Don't take sides (“I always knew he was a liar!”) Try not to jump in with your own experience (“I remember when that happened to me....”) Try not to make judgements (“I can’t believe you said that!”) Give empathy not sympathy – people generally prefer to feel that you understand them rather than feel sorry for them.

Try not to be embarrassed by tears. Crying is a normal and natural response to distress so try to keep listening and encouraging the person to talk, without saying “Please don't cry”.

However dreadful their situation, try not to become overwhelmed by the person’s problems. Remember that you can only support them if you convey a sense that you can help them to bear their difficulties.

Avoid the trap of “black and white” thinking, in which choices or situations seem to be all good or all bad. We often respond in this way to make things seem more manageable when they are usually a complex mix of both.

Remember that being heard and understood is important in itself to someone who is struggling with difficult issues in their lives. If we always think in terms of “solving” problems, we forget to focus properly on the individuals involved and their feelings.

To find out more go to www.southbucks counselling.org/training/courses or call 01494 440199.

Teresa is running two ten week courses, An Introduction to Counselling and Interpersonal Skills, starting on 16 April and October 1, Tuesday evenings, 7.30-9.30pm in central High Wycombe. £175.

South Bucks Counselling is an established charity that provides professional, affordable, one to one counselling to adults.

It offers a confidential place in which to explore problems, helping clients to see their situation more clearly and make the decisions needed to achieve a more satisfying life. www.southbuckscounselling.org