Not everyone can be the life and soul of the party. Here Life coach Neelam Challoner gives her advice to those who need extra confidence to tackle social occasions.

It’s the season of parties, socialising and being ‘merry’.

But what about those of us who dread the office party, New Year’s eve soirees or the dinner do where you don’t know anyone. If you feel shy or lack confidence in unfamiliar situations such as social events or even networking events, then be comforted with the fact that you are not alone.

Many people do lack confidence, but make up for it by drinking too much to take away nerves, disguise by being ‘busy on the phone’ or talking drivel when nervous. When you feel shy or lack confidence, a party full of strangers could become a very stressful invitation with flutters of anxiety in the belly. Sweaty palms, low self-esteem, negative thinking, limiting self-talk, all may create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

What underpins our thoughts is when we see other people appear confident. They can talk to anyone, are funny, look good, and this can make us feel insecure and insular. I say there is nothing wrong with being a little shy, and it’s ok to let others know you may not be 100% comfortable in a particular social setting. You may even find that the person next to you also feels the same!

Here are ten tips to help you overcome shyness this Christmas.

1. Question yourself. First, ask yourself; “what exactly am I feeling, is it fear, shyness, lack of confidence?”

Now ask yourself “where is this feeling or thought coming from?” Question it, like it’s a foreign alien in your head. Detach it from yourself. Who would you be without this feeling/thought? (What would you do? How would you present yourself? What would you talk about? How would you be perceived? How would you enjoy yourself?)

2. Re-script the negative thoughts you are holding about the event and yourself to something positive; example “I am confident and happy.” “I get on with people.” “I like meeting new people”

3. Repeat these daily, stick them in places you will see them, visualise yourself being at ease and enjoying the event and the people.

4. Dress up, wear clothes that make you look and feel confident and also comfortable, eg wearing shoes that hurt your feet may heighten your stress and make you feel awkward 5. Have a pool of questions, topics of interest that you could use in conversations, particularly those that you can talk about passionately or animatedly and others can too.

6. Have a ‘green room’ strategy - this means going somewhere you can take a breather, compose yourself say your positive affirmations and come out ready to go again.

7. Find someone you can connect with and introduce yourself 8. If you find yourself alone, stand with ease, grab a drink, sip and people-watch 9. Positive body language means, smiling, eye contact, a relaxed open stance 10. Remember the 3 C’s; Cool, Calm and Collected.

Neelam Challoner is a qualified Life Coach with over ten years’ experience helping clients live a ‘designer life’. Neelam helps people Re-design their life, which can be done in 90 days.

For more information please visit www.designerlife.co.uk