KAYE Townsend is a qualified, BACP registered, person-centred counsellor with a private practice in Flackwell Heath, Bucks. She is currently writing a self-help book, write articles for various publications & work as a volunteer counsellor for a local charity.

Here she answers letters in her Bucks Free Press agony aunt column.

Dear Kaye, I have been seeing Ben for 12 months & we have a good relationship. He has 2 boys from his previous marriage who seem to upset me constantly.

I have tried to understand that they feel loyalty to their Mum so maybe in time things will get easier but some of the things they say & do are so hurtful. I get on well with their Mum so it’s not that they see us arguing or being disrespectful about each other.

I just feel it is starting to affect my relationship with Ben as I try to avoid spending time with him & the boys. I really don’t know how to handle the situation without making things worse.

Amanda, Flackwell Heath.

Dear Amanda, I can see that you feel hurt & manipulated by the boys although you are trying to understand why they are acting this way.

Perhaps by speaking to their Mum you can find a way to help them accept that you are with their Dad & that this ok with their Mum. This could in turn make them feel that they are not being unloyal to Mum while they are with you. I’m sure that their Mum doesn’t want the boys to feel like this, it must be upsetting for them to think they have to choose between you.

Good luck Amanda, regards, Kaye.