KAYE Townsend is a qualified, BACP registered, person-centred counsellor with a private practice in Flackwell Heath, Bucks. She is currently writing a self-help book, write articles for various publications & work as a volunteer counsellor for a local charity.

Here she answers letters in her Bucks Free Press agony aunt column.

Dear Kaye, I live in block of flats which most of the time is a very pleasant place to live. Recently, the neighbours above us have been having loud late nights which are affecting my sleep. I don’t know how to approach them without causing a bad atmosphere or an argument. It’s becoming more & more regular & I’m getting more & more annoyed.

Natalie, 35, High Wycombe.

Hello Natalie,

We all like to feel safe & at peace in our homes so it’s frustrating when your home life is disrupted & you feel it’s out of your control. Falling out with your neighbours can make this anxious situation more intense than it needs to be so I would suggest first approaching them in a calm positive manner. This is can be more effective than you realise.

Try to appeal to their sympathetic side explaining you don’t want to cause any conflict but you are finding it difficult to sleep during their late nights. Avoid being defensive or insulting in any way. Perhaps starting with a compliment such as “I love your taste in music” or “that’s an impressive music system you have”, by being friendly & polite you are diffusing the situation before it has even started.

It could be that they have no idea that the noise is travelling through to your flat & they could be genuinely sorry or embarrassed.

If you feel uncomfortable about speaking to them face to face, you could write a friendly, anonymous note & put it through the door so your neighbour doesn’t know exactly who it’s from. I hope this helps & you don’t need to contact the authorities as this can escalate any conflict, making your home life even more difficult than it is now.

Good luck Natalie,

Regards,

Kaye.