KAYE Townsend is a qualified, BACP registered, person-centred counsellor with a private practice in Flackwell Heath, Bucks. She is currently writing a self-help book, write articles for various publications & work as a volunteer counsellor for a local charity.

Here she answers letters in her Bucks Free Press agony aunt column.

Dear Kaye, My uncle died recently but I had fallen out with his wife last year & she has told me to stay away from the funeral, I’m not welcome. I loved my Uncle so much & it feels wrong not to be able to attend the funeral & say good bye.

I desperately want to go, what should I do?

Fiona, 35, Aylesbury.

Dear Fiona, Firstly, may I offer my condolences for your loss.

Try to remember feelings run high at these difficult times so perhaps you could contact her & try calmly explaining how you feel & that you want to pay your respects, not cause any upset. You may feel uncomfortable about doing this now but after the funeral you will feel better for having been able to attend without any conflict. Another option is to find someone in the family who could perhaps act as a mediator.

If you feel you have no choice but to stay away contact your local church who will organise a quiet time in church for you at the same time as the funeral. Some churches will even offer a small service to help with the grief of both losing a loved one & the upset of not being able to attend the official service. This way you can still say goodbye in an appropriate manner. Just remember that your Uncle will know how you feel regardless.

Best wishes, Kaye.