It’s a bit late in my life to be still learning lessons, but this week I came to realise just how risky it is to pass judgement, especially when it comes to what goes on, or appears to go on, in the marriages of others.

Walk a mile in another man’s shoes and all that. Many years ago some very good friends broke up and because I had considered them, of all people, the least likely to divorce and was particularly fond of them, I struggled to understand and took sides.

I took a view on the circumstances based on the information I had and instead of maintaining my thitherto close relationship with both parties, I chose to continue my relationship with only one.

Wind forward a couple of decades and I recently attended the funeral of the one with whom I had maintained contact, whereupon I met the other again. At any funeral what is important is thrown into very sharp relief.

I remember at the funeral of my son, who died aged seven weeks for no reason that anyone could give us, I took the opportunity to make an impassioned speech about the importance of family, the brevity of life and not wasting precious time on pointless feuds.

I did it partly because two close female relatives had feuded for years and were both present. One of them came over to me and said: “Thank you for that. I hope ‘she’ was listening.”

Then the other did much the same. But at least I tried.

At last week’s funeral I learned how hurt my friend had been. Half an hour later I had learned enough to realise relationships between two people are only truly clear to those two people – and sometimes not even them. But it is certainly inappropriate for those not in that relationship to assume that they have all the information. I am happy to say my apology was accepted.

I should have known. I remember all too well that when my first marriage failed after only eighteen months, there were several people who immediately cast me adrift and felt the need to demonstrate their friendship with my wife by permanently excluding me from their circle and even blaming me, in a situation where blame was actually not a relevant or helpful. Marrying someone you have known for less than two months can simply be a mistake.