Agony Aunt Kaye: 'I'm worried my Gran will ruin my wedding' (From Bucks Free Press)

Agony Aunt Kaye: 'I'm worried my Gran will ruin my wedding'

12:15pm Thursday 8th September 2011 in Cookham

THIS is a new monthly column by the Bucks Free Press' resident agony aunt, Kaye Townsend.

Kaye will respond to your emails and letters through a column in the Freetime section of this website.

See below for an introduction from Kaye and this month's questions.

I am a qualified, BACP registered, person-centred counsellor with a private practice in Flackwell Heath.

I am currently writing a self-help book, write articles for various publications & work as a volunteer counsellor for a local charity.

If you would like more information about my work, please visit www.emotional-support.info

If you have found yourself feeling worried, anxious or confused, please write to me at letters@emotional-support.info where you will receive non-judgemental support.

Although it may not always be possible, I will try my best to answer all your emails.

A selection of your letters will be published but please be assured, your personal details will always be kept anonymous.

I look forward to hearing from you, Kaye.

September's Questions For Kaye.

"I’m worried my Grandmother will ruin my wedding day".

Dear Kaye,

My boyfriend & I are engaged and plan to marry in July 2012.

My problem is that my Grandmother doesn’t like my partner and after a few arguments, he doesn’t like her either although he has said he will make an effort with her to make me happy.

She feels he isn’t good enough for me. I am worried about the wedding, I feel I have to invite my grandmother but I know she will make the day feel awkward.

I’m convinced she will be unable to resist a few nasty comments on the day. Should I invite her or not?

The stress of what may happen is putting a cloud over the excitement of organising my wedding day.

Thank you, Karen.

Dear Karen,

I’m sorry to hear how anxious you feel over your big day but be assured, this is a common problem for many couples as two families gather together for the wedding day.

I would suggest a friendly chat with your grandmother, just you and her. Perhaps explain how anxious and worried you feel at the thought that there may be angry words and how upset you would feel if you had to act as a referee during your special day.

At this point I think you will find she will realise that unless she reassures you that won’t happen, she may not get an invite.

I am sure you will find that she wouldn’t want to miss the wedding although if your grandmother feels she won’t be able to “bite her tongue” she may well find an excuse to miss the wedding.

Either way, you can then relax knowing that the “ball is in her court”.

Kind regards, Kaye.

"I can’t believe my Father would leave me".

Dear Kaye,

Six months ago, my father committed suicide after my mother left him.

I have a younger brother and our family is in bits as guilt runs through all of us for not realising how desperate he was and being able to stop this awful thing from happening.

I have trouble believing that he would abandon me like that. I can’t accept he would leave me as we were so close. I am so angry with him.

Michelle.

Dear Michelle,

Firstly, I am so sorry for your loss and the circumstances in which it has happened.

Suicide is so different from any other loss as there are so many questions attached along with feeling that this was a choice made by your father.

Unfortunately, for the people who do commit suicide, they feel there is no choice, this seems the only way to avoid the pain.

I would suggest contacting your doctor and seeing a counsellor to help you through your bereavement, so that you may one day feel you can understand and forgive your father and therefore begin healing yourself.

Kindest regards, Kaye.

Suggested contact details are below:

Cruse Bereavement Care – website www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk or call 01494 511117.

Emotional Support & Counselling Website – www.emotional-support.info Tel – 01628 528655 / 07870 534556.

"I have started cutting my arms".

Dear Kaye,

I feel a little ashamed and embarrassed to talk about this. I have never told anyone and keep myself well covered all the time.

When my boyfriend of 7 years ended our relationship, I spent months trying to get him back but with no luck. I went on anti-depressants as I felt so low but 3 months ago I started to self harm.

It started as deep, aggressive scratching on the back of my hands but people kept asking how I had hurt myself so I started to deliberately move up my arms.

I have occasionally used objects too. I don’t know how to stop but at the same time I feel great relief when I do it.

I know it’s not normal but I kind of feel addicted, if that makes sense. How do I stop?

Thanks, Jenni.

Dear Jenni,

Thank you for sharing your experience. Self harm is your way of controlling your pain and frustration by aiming these feelings inwards.

By wounding yourself you are releasing your inner pain in a way that perhaps cannot be voiced. I would urge you to seek counselling to talk about your emotional problems and if possible confide in your GP.

Meanwhile, please be aware of keeping yourself safe by keeping any wounds clean to avoid infection.

Take care of yourself, Kaye.

Below are some useful contacts:

Emotional Support & Counselling Website – www.emotional-support.info Tel: 01628 528655 / 07870 534556.

Mind Website – www.mind.org.uk Tel: 0300 123 3393.

Get Connected Website – www.getconnected.org.uk Tel: 0808 808 4994.

Send your questions and concerns to Kaye at letters@emotional-support.info - this column will return in October.