Prison is the answer for us

9:12am Tuesday 29th April 2008

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I've had a sort of David Icke moment, but if you'll forgive me I'll not put on a turquoise shellsuit. The thing is I was lying in bed one morning making an effort to surface into a new day when I had a vision.

Admittedly it was partly encouraged by a news item that crept out of the radio.

Today there is a lot of grumbling about the perceived downward spiral of our society. More crime, more thugs, less courtesy, unaffordable houses, drivers who are as mad as a box of frogs, unpredictable weather, potholes that knock your best set of teeth out, binge drinking, Gordon Brown, council tax rises that outstrip wage rises and so on.

So there is a large group of us who would like to escape all that sort of stuff. Retreat behind some sort of wall that shuts out this real' but unpalatable world. We could all emigrate to, say, the Pitcairn Islands and join the descendants of the Bounty mutineers, but I have an easier solution.

Let's all break into a jail.

Apparently they are now really cushy places, according to a report from Glyn Travis of the Prison Officers Association.

He cited an example of a drug dealer who regularly broke into a Yorkshire prison to sell his wares. He used a ladder to get in, but apparently the inmates were so comfy they didn't bother to use it to get out.

Mr Travis blames the shortage of prison officers and relaxed regimes where prisoners enjoy satellite television, video game consoles, lie-ins and, apparently, a steady supply of drugs.

You suddenly wonder if prison is the deterrent it's meant to be. You know - loss of liberty and harsh regimes.

Little surprise that they're overcrowded then. Everyone's trying to earn a place in them.What we should do is turf out all the prisoners so that we visionaries can take over these apparent holiday camps and shut ourselves off from the big bad, mad world.

PRISON CASE NOTES: CARDIFF prison has a new £10m healthcare suite which Monmouth Tory MP David Davies yesterday described as "yet another kick in the teeth for people who have been victims of crime".

An appropriate comment given that the facilities includes state of the art dental facilities.

After a visit to the same prison last year the MP said: "I saw prisoners sitting in their cells watching television and playing computer games."