Burgers and blondes: A rugby player's life (From Bucks Free Press)

Burgers and blondes: A rugby player's life

3:26pm Tuesday 25th November 2008

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As I sit here writing this latest blog I am reflecting on quite a weekend of rugby.

It started with Wales (who bizarrely had to borrow Wasps away-match kit of bright yellow uniforms) and ended today with the defeat of my team – Wasps, at the hands of Harlequeens.

Probably the least said the better about the game, but 2 highlights that did emerge from the Stoop Stadium was the quality of the German Brockwuurst sausage and the spotting of a hilariously bad attempt by one of the security guards of covering his bald spot with what looked to be like a dead ginger tomcat run over by a truck.

On the first observation, many a time have I been warming up to play at various stadiums around the country, and been distracted by the waft of sizzling pork and beef emanating from the food stalls nearby.

As I sheepishly ate my gourmet hot dog, I must have looked like a nervous school boy looking out for the head teacher prowling the school looking for errant smokers.

To tell you the truth I was a bit embarrassed, as a supposed professional athlete greedily inhaling 2 hot dogs – I didn’t look like the poster boy for the modern professional.

It made me think though, if you did want to distract the opposition forwards and backs before the game, stick a gourmet hamburger stand and a cluster of scantily clad cheerleaders near the visitors warm up area.

The Durban Sharks Super 14 team has the idea – what they do is put a spa pool on either side of the field on the touch line and fill them with frolicking, bikini wearing models.

You would think that it would be a double edged distracting sword but not so. The South African lads are immune to the powers of the buxom blondes, as they are a dime a dozen in the Rainbow Nation but not so for the ogling visiting Kiwi and Aussie lads. I had firsthand experience of this display in my 3rd game in the Super 12 as it was in 2003.

The ball had gone out directly in front of the spa pool and I went to fetch it for the ensuing lineout. I picked the ball up and there greeting me as I stood up were a pair of size double D breasts.

I can assure you the weakness in my knees and sweaty palms were not the result of the rugby. Not what you need on your mind when you are about to throw a pivotal lineout in front of 40,000 screaming Sharks fans.

The bikini girl said to me “Hey want to jump in?” – fearing instant substitution I declined the offer. In the resulting lineout, I overthrew it, they grabbed it and I saw the substitution board come up.

You’re off Ward. I was gutted - I could have had the spa!

To add to my misery, an old lady who looked like she had just finished some embroidery and was off to Bingo, threw an empty plastic beer cup at me as I made my way back to the dugout. It was the second time in the space of 4 minutes I had been left speechless by a woman in a rugby game. Weird.

Coming up in the next couple of weeks is an interview with ex All Black and Wasp and new North Harbour Coach – Craig Dowd and also catch up’s with some other players.

For more check out www.insidethelockeroom.com Till next time Joe Ward