9:13am Tuesday 6th January 2009
By Joe Ward
Xmas Grinch’s and Embarrassing your relatives...Ah, Christmas and New Year's.
What a splendid time to spend with family, friends and play a game of footy.
Changing room F (my changing room) at Wasps celebrated the start of the festive season in typically un–generous style.
With the belts firmly tightened due to ‘the crunch’ and the fact that at least 4 of the guys in the locker room are tighter than a dutchmans you know what, the sum for the Secret Santa presents maxed out at a whopping £10.
This paltry sum suited some of the lads, most notably Wasps fullback Lachlan Mitchell. Flying the flag for tight Aussie colonials, Lachie’s present consisted of a £2 bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon from Tesco’s – coming in 8 quid short, and in the process openly flouting the £10 present rule.
To top it off he wrapped it in a piece of discarded newspaper. A real giver...
Talking of Dutchman, spare a thought for the recipient of Mark van Gisburgen’s secret Santa present.
Secret Santa is an absolute result for Gis, as it gives him the ability to hide behind the anonymous nature of the concept.
I’m not sure who ended up with Twford Avenue’s most notorious cheapskate’s present, but I imagine he and Lachie would have shopped at the same Tesco’s bargain bin, albeit Mark’s present wouldn’t have hit the giddy heights of £2.
Anyway, Christmas for me is very different since being over here in the UK.
Normally in NZ it consists of summer BBQs, beer, surfing, beer and annihilating my pre-teen nieces and nephews’ confidence by drilling them into the turf in a game of back yard rugby, or lifting them over the back fence for 6 in a game of cricket.
The youngsters knew what to expect before coming, and upon arriving at our place, would be met by myself and my brother Nick (a chubby but classy middle order batsman) with cricket bat, ball and wickets in tow and fired up for a day in the field.
We normally were topped up with some extra confidence by way of a cheeky 6 pack of beer, which in Xmas 2002 helped us accumulate a heroic double century partnership.
They say that Xmas is all about the kids – well not that year for our younger relatives.
My 2008 Xmas was very different, as my wife Amanda and I found ourselves alone for the first time in years.
So we decided to volunteer down at the Hammersmith Town Hall to entertain a few old folks who were also by themselves. It turned into a humorous few hours as it was the oldies that entertained us.
We were also joined by scrumhalf Sharky’ Robinson as well, who was initially mistaken for an elderly gentleman by the staff because of his obvious age and the fact he was chatting up a couple of 70 yr olds.
There were some who you could tell still had that spark and I saw this first hand when an 80yr old WWII veteran openly chided New Zealand’s contribution to the war effort.
Upon informing him (somewhat tongue in cheek) that I wasn’t actually there, he responded “Well no shit, it was 68 years ago”.
Good on ya old fella.
Anyway on behalf of the lads we wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Till next time Joe For more yarns go to www.insidethelockeroom.com
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