Let's have some rationality about the whole thing... (From Bucks Free Press)

Let's have some rationality about the whole thing...

10:06am Monday 1st February 2010

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It’s not for people like me, that’s for sure. Why would my husband buy me flowers? He’s not the flower-buying type. And what would be the use? I’d rather have something useful: phone credit, over-the-knee socks, lip balm…

Now I’ll be accused of not being romantic. Well, no marketing machine is going to tell me what’s romantic!

I don’t see that red roses on 14th February is any more romantic than hand cream or something thoughtful like that at any other time. Or even the long-term daily exchanges of favours and support two people offer each other.

Well my theory is that Valentines is for youngsters or those courting – if I can use that word and not sound ridiculous.

“And I’m a great fan of anonymous cards. All that pent up emotion, imprisoned in a heart, perhaps never to be shared. Its the agony of love epitomised!”

It’s to woo and seduce and impress and spend money. Jewellery, chocolates, flowers, short breaks underwear … In fact this one makes me laugh. Gents, if you bought your lady friend knickers on any other day (especially ones which were just good quality, cotton ones) wouldn’t you be hung? Many would, I feel sure. But for some reason it’s OK on 14th February. But again, it’s only OK if it’s titillating. Rules, rules…

Ladies you do now have the option of buying your chap a satin thong with something silly printed on it. ‘Wild beast’ or ‘Concealed Powerhouse: Pull Lever to Operate’. Honestly, the sight of a man in a spangled thong would make me reach for the sick bag.

But I still think Valentines Day has a purpose. It gives permission for people to show affection, to assist shy people with their plans to get married and jostle couples along the road to love.

And I’m a great fan of anonymous cards. All that pent up emotion, imprisoned in a heart, perhaps never to be shared. Its the agony of love epitomised!

While the unmarried couples out there are contemplating marriage, let me draw your attention to the latest divorce figures available (England and Wales). Being vigilant on that dinner date could tell you more than whether your prospective spouse prefers seafood to meat.

“What happened in those ten years? Did we become foul-mouthed, heavy drinking, abusive louts who snog their best friends and strip off at the drop of a hat on foreign holidays?”

Incidentally the cost of a UK marriage is between £15,000 and £20,000 depending on the source. An eye-popping 21% of this total is on the reception plus another 9% on the evening reception.

But back to the story. In 1998 53% of women were granted divorce on (proven) grounds of behaviour as opposed to 27% of men. Ten years later, the figures for women are just about the same (54%) but the numbers of men being granted divorce on their wife’s behaviour was a whopping 34%.

What happened in those ten years? Did we become foul-mouthed, heavy drinking, abusive louts who snog their best friends and strip off at the drop of a hat on foreign holidays? Surely not. But if so, why?

In 1998 the largest age group of divorcees was the 20-24 year olds (over one third). In 2008, this had reduced to 20% of women and 25% for men. So perhaps youngsters are in more danger, more likely to behave badly or be perceived as behaving badly.

Gents, look out for tell-tale sings of bad behaviour in your young lady early. Does she say please and thank you? Does she show just the right amount of leg/cleavage? Do you know what just the right amount is? Think hard, it might save legal fees later.

Now to adultery. If you’d married before 1998, stayed together an average of 10.2 years and were now divorcing, adultery would be the proven reason for 32% of men and 22% of women.

But think how lucky if you’d divorced in 2008 (having stayed together an average of 11.5 years): a mere 21% of men and 18% of women would have the same grounds. Heartening, isn’t it?

The figure is falling, so cheating is becoming a less popular marital pastime. Though it’s still the case that more men are granted divorces on the grounds that their fair wives have strayed. Check out how she gets on with your mates, chaps. But ladies, does he shoot off early after the date?

In my fascination with these figures, I find that marriage is more likely to survive today (for at least eleven years anyway) since the divorce rate started falling in 2004.

More women are still granted divorce than men. I’m curious at this. Men are found guilty of adultery, behaviour and desertion much more than women. How can this be? I don’t like the inference.

Are women really better behaved in marriages? Or do they put up with more for longer and then file for divorce? Are men more stoical or indifferent before or during the process? Do they surrender? Or is there even another reason?

Given these numbers, I’d say eat all the Belgian chocolate, wear all that jewellery and underwear and receive the flowers with grace. It shows a man’s optimism and dedication to the idea of marriage that’s charming and dignified.

As for me, I’ll be greeting my husband after work in my sexiest underwear, holding a red rose between my teeth and playing smoochy songs quietly in the living room. He’ll take me in his arms and whisper, “Did you take the parcels to the Post Office like I asked you?” I’ll pant back, “Yes and did you get the light bulb for the car...?”

Grounds for divorce? Lingerie blindness on his part, mental desertion on mine.