Send your news, photos and videos by texting bucksfreepress to 80360 or email
Conversations between my (11-year-old) daughter and me
Me: It’s eight o’clock. Time to brush your teeth Daughter: OK! (How long does it take to brush my teeth? I’m nearly at level 89 on this phone game) Me: you can’t wear such a short skirt out Daughter: OK! (That’s what you think) Me: It’s ten past eight. Have you done your teeth and packed your bag?
Daughter: Nearly (No) Me: I’m doing Spanish chicken tonight. You like that don’t you?
Daughter: Yeah. (I’ll separate each grain of rice to make sure there’s no skin, fat, gristle or bone lurking. I’ll also query red pepper skin, tomato skin, and rice which is of a different hue to that I was expecting.) Me: It’s twenty past eight. We have to go. Are you ready?
Daughter: Yeah. (I just need to pack my homework, lunch, rucksack, books and phone – if I can just get to level 159…) Me: IT’S HALF PAST EIGHT! We should have left fifteen minutes ago!!!
Daughter: Coming! (I’ve never got a late mark. I’m always on time. What’s she shouting about?) Later that day,… Daughter: I need help with my homework Me: OK. I’ll help. (i.e. sit with you and read through the instructions and make sure you understand what you have to do. Beyond that: nada.) Daughter: Can my friend come round?
Me: Yes. (When you’ve finished your homework) Daughter: Can I cook this weekend?
Me: Yes! (Yes!) Daughter: Can I have a sleepover? (Can I sneak marshmallows, toffee popcorn and Haribo into my room, eat them with my friend at half past midnight, swap pyjamas with her at 12.45am, try to sleep, argue with her, swap back pyjamas at 1.30am and get you up in the morning at 7.30 next morning for a slap up breakfast consisting of nutella and crisps?) Me: Let me think about it (I might have a sleepover at a spa hotel that night. Leave husband in charge. How about that?) Daughter: “I’m going out on my skates (I’m going to put my skates on and disappear for half an hour at my friend’s house down the road where she’s allowed to play on the PC all the time. We can try and get to level 699 on that game…) Me: OK. (I’ll have dinner ready in 20 minutes; don’t get your hopes up) Just a thought…