Jobsworth (From Bucks Free Press)

Jobsworth

5:29pm Sunday 18th July 2010

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A friend phoned the other day - Let's go visit a garden. On a whim, Cliveden (pronounced CLIV-d'n) was chosen on the basis that it isn't very far.

It has been the home of an Earl, a Prince, Dukes and Viscounts. Also the setting that resulted in a scandal from the 1960's. - Trysts and Idylls 'twixtt Russian spys, Call-Girls and a Secretary of State for war. aka - The Profumo Scandal. The House is now an hotel, albeit a five star one, that has a lease with the National Trust who own it and the parkland.

We set out about 09:30. An hour later we sat in a queue of cars waiting to pay at the kiosk.

Just sitting there put me in mind of a similar occasion where I had watched while a typically 'English' scene played itself out...

- Had we checked we would have known that the gardens did not open until 11:00. It wasn't 11 yet, and despite the nine or ten cars that waited, the man in the kiosk was not going to flout the rules. There were signs to be put out; each of which had its place at a strategic spot alongside the road. One of them had to be written in chalk and hung over the top of the half-door which itself had to carefully secured, in keeping with EU Regs. Various papers and brochures had to be sorted and arranged and added to the satchel that he carried across his shoulder. He had money to sort into the various compartments. He also had a stool to sit on whilst he sipped intermittently at his cup of tea. - it wasn't 11 yet, he couldn't possibly allow anyone through before the appointed hour.

The driver of the car behind, a new Porsche of heaven knows what marque, was getting irritated minute by minute until eventually he got out and approached the Attendant. His mistake from the outset was raising his voice; By the time he reached the kiosk we in the queue heard that, - 'He had a reservation at the hotel and had not expected guests would be treated in such a fashion before they had even set foot in the establishment. It was undignified, furthermore he demanded access immediately.'

The attendant was of a helpful disposition and was at pains to point out to the distressed gentleman a few facts that he felt that he ought to be aware of. With a delightfully soft Welsh accent but uttered with basso-profundo he said: "Well sir, I'm sorry you have been troubled in this way. But I'm afraid I cannot make any exceptions to the rules, I am obliged to adhere to them. At eleven-o-clock I shall allow all these people through, yourself included. Though in doing so I fear I would be failing in my duty if I failed to point out that you are in fact on the wrong road. Should you want the hotel the you need to go back up this road to the Drive. There you will see that the hotel is signposted straight ahead. I can allow you to drive through the car park if you wish or you can reverse out from where you are."

He took a sip of his tea and watched, as did we all while the man walked silently back to his car where, with as much dignity as he could muster, he performed a three point turn and vanished back up the road.

The gardens and woodland walks were a delight. I hope the offended young man took time out from his stay at the hotel to appreciate the delights of the countryside available.