The aliens are coming for us (From Bucks Free Press)

The aliens are coming for us

10:03am Friday 12th March 2010 in

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WE are all just voices crying in the wilderness, it seems. That is all of us except the extra-terrestrials who are now living among us.

They must be shape shifting alien invaders because no human being could be responsible for the stories I am about to share with you.

A businessman was travelling with his pregnant wife on a BA flight from Gatwick. He was sitting in the middle seat with his wife on one side and a 12-year old boy, travelling alone, on the other side. Apparently, BA will not allow male passengers to sit next to children ‘they don’t know’.

He was told that the plane would not take off unless he moved. He reluctantly complied, but is now quite rightly suing BA and has promised to donate any subsequent damages awarded to the NSPCC.

We should cheer him to the rafters in his fight against the invading alien robots, who are also to be found among the management of the Royal Mail, or Insania, or whatever it is now called.

A postman in Southport has been sacked because he signed for a parcel on behalf of a frail old lady when a delivery van’s arrival coincided with his turning up with her post.

He knew her well and was aware that she would be unable to easily get to the deliverer’s depot to collect it.

He delivered it to her later in his own time. Understandably, the aforesaid FOL telephoned the sorting office to commend his public spirited thoughtfulness to his managers.

Being alien invaders bent on the destruction of humanity, they commenced disciplinary proceedings against the good postie, who has now lost his job and is predictably suffering from stress.

One of his colleagues in Southport, with a 25 year unblemished record, was also dismissed. He had left his van unlocked while he delivered letters at a remote farmhouse at the end of a long single track lane.

The local MP, Dr Pugh, told the House of Commons: “It would be quite easy to leap to the conclusion that there is an underlying strategy to find reasons to shed experienced staff, so as to cut costs, replace permanent staff with casual or reduce pension liabilities.”

No, no, Dr Pugh. That is unthinkable. No responsible employer, with human employees would do that.

It is the beginnings of an alien invasion.

They are coming to get us and we must resist.