MANN ON FRIDAY

MRS Mann is in disgrace after sneaking out and buying two tickets for us for the Wycombe Wanderers' FA Cup semi-final on Sunday.

I am outraged she has spent £70 of my hard-earned money on a mere football match which is being screened live on ITV anyway.

I could have sat for free in my own living room, with a shandy in my hand, watching Des Lynam and the boys purr and coo over our local team.

Instead, I've got to wake up early on Sunday and travel to Birmingham of all places to sit in cramped seats with lots of noisy strangers.

Most of them will be yelling in my ear, eating crisps and peanuts with their mouths open and I won't be able to move to even get out to the loo.

I reluctantly agreed to the tickets, however, because Lawrie Sanchez has done a jolly good job and he needs my moral support. I mean, how would he feel if he knew Wycombe's greatest living columnist hadn't bothered to turn up to his big day?

But where I did draw the line was travelling on the train. Mrs Mann had this romantic notion of using Chiltern Railways to go all the way to Birmingham. She thought it would be fun to sit alongside some salt-of-the-earth fans.

But I soon talked her out of this when I gave her my anecdote of how a Millwall devotee once kept throwing darts at the seat next to me when I went to see a soccer game as a wee small lad.

It's not, though, that I fear any particular trouble on the trains. Wycombe fans are a pretty decent bunch after all. No, I just can't stand the thought of being herded in and out of train carriages like sheep, and having to smell the sweat of fellow travellers.

Mrs M and I are driving, and we're setting off early probably Friday the pace I drive. I've also stopped the old girl from having her face painted blue it would clash with the rinse of her hair.

I'm determined to enjoy it, although | do expect Wycombe to at least score one goal, or I might demand a refund.

But I think we'll win, because Liverpool will be too tired after all those other big games they've had recently.

And yes Lawrie, if you're reading this, I'll make it worth your while to win because I promise I'll come and watch you in the final as well if you do.

Anyone got a map to Cardiff?