‘I have been out of hospital for nearly two years and I don’t think anyone thought I was able to do it, but I’ve done it and I’m doing really well now.’
These are the words of Fiona Hollings, a 23-year-old woman from High Wycombe who is on the road to recovery following a battle with anorexia, that has lasted for nearly a decade.
After the illness took her over at the age of around 14/15, she admitted that ‘she struggled for a few years’, before she was admitted to a hospital in Glasgow – hundreds of miles away from her High Wycombe home – due to a lack of beds.
After spending two years at the Scottish-based hospital, Fiona was then transferred to one in Oxford for around six months, before being discharged in January 2019.
Nearly two years on, Fiona is now in her second year of studying psychology at Bucks New Uni – a way of life that seemed impossible just a couple of years previously.
And even though she admitted to occasionally ‘struggling’ following her discharge, she also revealed that she is ‘currently doing the best’ that she has ever done.
Fiona told the Free Press: “I really felt I couldn’t get better and I felt like I was going around in circles.
“It is such an aggressive and violent illness in your head that it traps you.
"I went to Glasgow as it was the only bed available and I was there for two years.
“I had a lot of therapy and after a lot of hard work, I was then transferred to Oxford where I was there for about six months before I was well enough to be discharged, and I came home last January.
“I have been out of hospital for nearly two years and I don’t think anyone thought I was able to do it, but I’ve done it and I’m doing really well now.
“I think people think hospital is when you go in like a broken car; they fix you up and you come out.
“This isn’t like that at all.
“You go into hospital; they help you understand your illness and they help you make choices before you have to make those choices and do the right things to get better.
“I do struggle but I know that I am currently doing the best I have ever done - I’ve got that element of normal life which I ached for, for so many years.
“I can go out for dinner with friends, do weekend trips, and that is the part of the recovery that I always wanted and even though I get hard days and I’m still treatment and have therapy, I’m getting there.”
One important factor which has helped Fiona get onto the road to recovery is her support network.
Her friends, family and dog, Hugo, have stood by her and will continue to do so as she continues to defeat the illness which has impacted the lives of many across the world.
According to PrioryGroup.com, Between 1.25 and 3.4 million people in the UK are affected by an eating disorder with 25 per cent of those people being male.
The website also revealed that eating disorders are most common in individuals between the ages of 16 and 40 years old.
However, with a new focus in life, Fiona is on the mend.
She continued: “I never thought I would be in the position that I am in today.
“It is hard work but it is possible.
“I think when I went downhill and had nothing to give, it got to the point that I didn’t want to live anymore because it was torture living with this thing in my head where food is the enemy and everyone else becomes the enemy as they want you to eat.
“I hadn’t seen my parents for ages and when I spoke to people, there was an argument because I felt as if they were attacking me but they weren’t, they were attacking my eating disorder.
“For me, my head was black and there has to be something more than this.
“You need to focus on the person.
“The weight is a side effect; the food is a way of dealing with something and I think anorexia is something more than that.
“It is perfectionism, its rigidity, its sell esteem problems.
“I think people focus on the weight because they see that, but away from the weight, it is about the food and people say, ‘you need to eat more and you’ll gain weight and get better’ but no, you need to talk to someone to get better.
“You need to explain what does eating mean to you, what does gaining weight mean to you, why is that so scary?
“And it will be different for everyone but it is talking to someone.
“I am lucky those people to have those conversations with.”
If you have or know anyone that has an eating disorder, please visit www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/support-services/helplines.
Comments: Our rules
We want our comments to be a lively and valuable part of our community - a place where readers can debate and engage with the most important local issues. The ability to comment on our stories is a privilege, not a right, however, and that privilege may be withdrawn if it is abused or misused.
Please report any comments that break our rules.
Read the rules here