A Royal Air Force officer who experienced suicidal thoughts in the past said “life is worth living” as she prepares to run the TCS London Marathon for Samaritans.

Squadron Leader Tamsin Wakeham from High Wycombe, volunteers for the charity which provides round the clock support for people who are having a difficult time.

When Tamsin, 53, first joined the military in 1989, there was a ban on lesbian, gay and bisexual people serving in the Army, Navy and Royal Air Force which was not repealed until January 12, 2000.

She said: “Two questions you were asked – have you taken drugs? It had to be no. And are you gay?”

“It was a weird question, you are equating the two?”

“I could say no because I hadn’t acted on anything. I was still figuring it out myself.”

Although she was unsure about her sexuality when she signed up, Tamsin later started a relationship with another woman which she was forced to keep secret to avoid losing her job.

When someone told the military police they had suspicions the couple were in a relationship, Tamsin’s room was searched and it was even suggested that having a picture of Marilyn Monroe on her wall was a sign she was gay.

“That has an effect that you can’t trust any friends,” she said.

“Then the rumour mill starts. I remember walking into the mess and the place would go quiet. I’m 19 at the time. If I sat at a table, people would get up.”

She eventually decided to leave her job in 1994 and moved to the US where she worked in surveillance at a casino: “I thought I can’t cope with being in the military any more.”

She started a relationship with a woman which ended with a “terrible break-up” and she struggled to cope, especially with family and friends so far away in the UK.

“I got to the point where I didn’t know what to do. You get so in your own head, you don’t see a way out,” she said.

The turning point came when her best friend contacted Tamsin’s father after reading a notebook in which she had written down her thoughts: “She realised it was almost a goodbye that I was writing.”

Tamsin said she now feels able to “turn it around really quickly” if she is having a difficult time and knows “life will get better”.

“I have spent the last 20 years trying to get myself back into a good place,” she said.

“People can expect to be up all the time but nobody’s happy all the time.

“I’m never at the point of feeling I’m going into those depths of despair.”

London will be Tamsin’s fourth marathon. She first ran the Loch Ness Marathon in 2019 and has since run Loch Ness again and the Yorkshire Marathon although long distance running was not something she had previously aimed to achieve.

To sponsor Tamsin, visit: 2024tcslondonmarathon.enthuse.com/pf/tamsin-wakeham