I'M thinking of suing.
For the third time, at a shop I sometimes frequent, an assistant took the mickey out of my northern accent.
I wouldn't mind but, since I left the North years ago, my accent is fairly mild compared to most others.
So who was this joker ?
Step forward a turban-wearing Sikh whose own accent is more Bangalore than Buckinghamshire.
The cheek of it !
What sets him off each time is the moment I ask for a lottery Lucky Dip ticket (Yes, I know the lottery is a 'tax on stupid people' but there you are.)
He just cannot resist blurting out 'loooky deep, loooky deep' in a sort of gruff Les Dawson way, grinning widely at his own wit.
Frankly, it's embarrassing, even though I pretend it isn't.
But I suppose I should be used to this kind of joshing.
I remember Scousers were just as bad when I worked in Liverpool, labelling me a 'woolly back' among other, less charitable insults and rejecting the idea that they might be mere 'northerners', too.
In North Wales, Dorset, London and Essex, the insults to my nothern heritage also came thick and fast.
The only place I escaped was Sheffield where most accents were even thicker than mine.
My boss at the office in Essex, where he is now editor, was very fond of whippet jokes, I remember, as well as exclamations of:'I'll go t'foot of ma stairs !', whatever that meant.
But being 'dissed' by a southern Sikh in a turban, with a peculiar grasp of the English language himself, is a new low.
Surely, I must be in line for a multi-million pound compensation payout for 'hurt feelings'.