I have just started university and am in a flat with two other boys and three girls. At the beginning there was no problem and I hadn't thought about this, but recently I have started to have feelings for my flatmate.

She is just so wonderful - her smile, her voice, mannerisms, everything about her is great. We get on quite well but I don't want to rock the boat by doing anything about it.

If I was to ask her out I fear I'd lose her as a friend. Also, I think she might be out of my league and may not like me romantically. I really do not know what to do. Please help.

Aliks, aged 18

REPLY: I can see this is a difficult situation for you but you seem to have thought around it pretty well.

While it's hard I know, do try not to let your feelings for this girl take over your life too much. There is so much to take in and experience while you're at university and it is easy to find yourself focusing on just one thing.

Do make sure you go out and get the most out of life.

As you are obviously aware, if you confront your flatmate directly with your feelings then there is always the possibility that she will not feel the same way. You then have to face the situation of continuing to live in the same flat together.

How that works would depend a lot on your ability to accept her point of view and be satisfied with friendship alone.

Instead, perhaps you could try just spending more time with her and see if the relationship naturally starts to become more romantic. If your feelings are too strong and the situation really makes you miserable then don't suffer in silence, tell her how you feel.

But be prepared that, while you may be delighted to find she feels the same way, she may not and the entire dynamics of your household could change as a result.

February 14, 2002 13:39