After my husband sent me a highly entertaining email yesterday about VAT goods (in which he made a tenuous link between Jaffa cakes and sanitary products) I’ve looked at this a little closer.

First things first. Food and drink (generally) is zero-rated. That’s OK. But then I came across this.

”The list tells us that cabbages are ornamental”

Milk and flavoured milk drinks (including milk shakes): zero-rated. But alternative milk products like soya and rice milk aren’t considered drinks at all. Can one never have Nesquik made with rice milk? What sort of surreal world would that be?

Gaming is exempt from VAT. Mobility aids for the elderly have 5% VAT. And wait for it. Cakes are zero-rated. Apparently they’re food.

But wait. Maternity and sanitary products carry 5% VAT (the same as for renovating an empty residential building and smoking cessation products) while incontinence products are at 0%.

Perhaps they see them as patches or aids for some sort of cessation. Or even a form of renovation.

Rum Babas, hundreds and thousands, vermicelli and sugar strands however are zero-rated. Essential. (Food?)

The list tells us that cabbages are ornamental (‘grown for their appearance rather than consumption’) so they’re charged at the standard rate (17.5% until January). I haven’t seen many cabbages as the centrepieces on dining tables recently.

I’m baffled, truly. Ready meals (renowned for being high in salt and sugar) are zero-rated and children's car seats, booster seats and booster cushions carry 5% VAT.

It doesn’t tally. If we’re to eat better, put VAT on ready meals and cakes including Bourbons and Jaffa Cakes. If child safety is important, take it off car seats.

”Needs must and all that. I think austerity is acceptable and necessary”

This is precisely the kind of measure that leaves the population accusing politicians of not living in the real world.

It seems all the things I’d charge VAT on, things that could bring in serious revenue (selling of antiques, altering listed buildings, sale or charter of helicopters) are exempt.

And things which seem immoral carrying VAT like altering an empty residential building, (aren’t we short of housing?) electricity and gas for residential use are going to remain unchanged.

I’ll leave you with one last thought. ‘Burial or cremation of dead people, or burial at sea: VAT exempt.’

Does this mean we'll get charged for burying family members in the sand at beaches? And will it depend on what percentage of the person is buried? Not sure.

I suppose if it’s 100% coverage, then it goes back to 0% anyway... Sorry, a bit morbid. Maybe there'll be VAT guards at the seaside as well as Life Guards.

Overall, the Budget simply highlighted the fact that there’s no escape from the country’s financial problems. Needs must and all that. I think austerity is acceptable and necessary myself.

I only worry that the set of people who created the ‘logic’ of the VAT bands and categories are the same ones implementing all the other drastic financial cutbacks. Fingers crossed...