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Agony Aunt letters: Alcoholic husband wants to leave
12:00pm Saturday 12th January 2013 in Lifestyle
KAYE Townsend is a qualified, BACP registered, person-centred counsellor with a private practice in Flackwell Heath, Bucks. She is currently writing a self-help book, write articles for various publications & work as a volunteer counsellor for a local charity.
Here she answers letters in her Bucks Free Press agony aunt column. To contact her, email firstname.lastname@example.org
My husband has finally admitted after 14 years of heavy drinking, that he has a problem. His drinking has been affecting our relationship, his work, our home & our children for a long time now & I have tried really hard to support him but I am emotionally exhausted.
At the weekend he decided it would be best for the whole family if he moved out.
He mentioned that he intended to seek help but now I feel I have failed to help him & to keep the family together.
Danielle, 45, High Wycombe.
This must seem quite a shock to you & the children although you must look at the positive side.
He may get professional help & while doing this he will be protecting you & the children from his unacceptable behaviour that has filtered through to every area of your lives. You can now take a step back, and spend time on you and the kids.
Try to get back to a “normal” life without the worry of taking care of an alcoholic, it’s an illness that has caused havoc in every way.
But, he will only give up if he wants to, not while you are covering for him by calling his employer with excuses, allowing him to drink in the house and by taking care of him when he is hung-over.
He actually needs to see how this is affecting everything & everyone & deal with the consequences of his drinking.
I hope this story has a happy ending for you and your children Danielle, you are not to blame and you are not responsible.