KAYE Townsend is a qualified, BACP registered, person-centred counsellor with a private practice in Flackwell Heath, Bucks.

She is currently writing a self-help book, write articles for various publications & work as a volunteer counsellor for a local charity.

Here she answers letters in her Bucks Free Press agony aunt column.

Dear Kaye,

My Dad who is 78 years old this year has always favoured my younger brother despite his erratic lifestyle. He says he has no money but then disappears to India for a couple of months in the winter.

As he can’t seem to keep a job for long, he does spend a lot of time with Dad but he is always asking for money & uses Dad’s new & expensive car. This often leaves my Dad stuck at home for days until he brings the car back with an empty petrol tank. My question is how can I make Dad see that he is being used? Why does he always say yes to him?

Josie, 51, Totteridge.

Dear Josie,

It’s always hard to think you are watching someone take advantage of a loved one, but is this really how it is? Have you thought about what your Dad is getting out of this relationship? Perhaps he doesn’t want to say no for fear of not seeing so much of your brother.

It appears to be a “trade off”, they both have something to keep the other one around. Your Dad has a car & money & your brother spends time with your Dad.

When some people get older they find life can be quite lonely so they will put a higher value on having company than they do on money which I think is what is happening here. Have you asked your Dad how he feels about the situation? You may be surprised & find that he is quite happy.

Regards,

Kaye.