But we’re actually slothful, distracted and more inefficient than ever.

The reason? The carry out coffee. Or, well, the branded paper cup with who knows what in it.

The frenzy of acquiring a paper cup with a lid on and walking about the street is surely for those who need to look busy, in demand, isn’t it? ‘I’m so booked up, I haven’t even got time to sit and drink the stuff, would you believe!’ Fake laugh follows.

What are we to think when even Big Issue sellers have been seen with them? Too busy? Can’t fit it all in in one day? Hmmm…

God knows what it actually tastes like in this form.

We’re not even sure it gets drunk; possibly it’s not a means to an end but an end in itself. Not buying the stuff so you can get on with other tremendously important stuff but just showing which kind of cup you prefer holding. The cup might be the aim.

This creates two of the biggest problems for me.

1. parents with pushchairs trying to steer the unwieldy things while carrying scalding drinks over their offspring’s’ heads

2. people in the supermarket trying to look as though they can casually push a trolley, hold their vouchers list and car keys, discipline their children (who are probably holding their own mini-mini version) and continue displaying their chosen brand of paper cup.

They’re like children at school with the latest thing: a diablo, a hoop, some noisy contraption. Never mind whether you like it or want it: everyone’s got one so you’d better get one.

They amble along the aisles unable to do anything properly. Steering the trolley with their elbows, holding the list between their teeth, kids playing with their car keys… if only they could see themselves. I’m going to follow one of these people to see how they do it and whether they actually drink any coffee at all.

With the way these people disable themselves desperate to continue holding a paper cup with a lid, shoppers like me want to nudge them accidentally and watch their Colombian roast end up on the shiny floor. Oops!

And parents? Give it a rest for Heaven’s sake. Push your child where you need to go and stop holding society up. (‘It’s a UK cup hold up’)

Dads with their homely but ruggedly indifferent jumpers slouch about town with… yes… a child and a cup. Mums in quilted jackets and riding boots propel their pushchairs forward with their hips just to manage the cup problem.

I don’t believe anyone drinks the foul stuff.

So my conclusion is that the figures are wrong. People aren’t drinking it; they’re just buying it and transporting it around Britain’s streets. From coffee shop to street to bin. Or pavement.

Could we please just stop?

The latest? Schoolchildren walking to school carrying paper cups. Are they allowed to drink and eat in class?

Or have things changed so much since I was at school? Instead of an apple, do children now bring in coffee for the teacher? ‘Wake up, Mr. Lewis!!’

I wouldn’t be surprised if the staff rooms have ditched the water cooler in favour of an industrial Gaggia unit, frother and sugar in sachets. Now there’s a wake up call…