APPARENTLY if we want holiday bargains we should be looking to the east. Unfortunately I can’t think of anywhere that takes my fancy.

I’ve been to Great Yarmouth (that’s a dump), lived near Scarborough (that’s always freezing cold) and names like Cleethorpes, Margate, Clacton and Skegness have a certain ring to them – the sort of ring that has you jamming your fingers in your ears and pleading for the noise to stop.

I mean you can understand why these places are bargains. Who’s going to pay good money to spend two weeks hunkered down in any of them?

A poll published last week revealed that 44 per cent of Britons decided not to have their usual summer holiday abroad this year and about half of those didn’t have a break at all. It’s probably a combination of the economic downturn and everyone being brow beaten into staying at home and saving the planet.

No surprise then that this same poll also revealed that three out of four people who did stay at home are now desperate to get away. Of course there is much finger pointing at the weather boffins who promised us a summer of searing heat and endless barbecues.

It never happened. It never does. Apart from a miracle of Biblical proportions that saw no rain through the whole of Wimbledon, the summer has been a miserable affair. We had lots of clouds, a fair bit of rain and wind with the sun popping out for a brief visit here and there.

I know this because we were one of the stay-at-homes, but actually had a fun time. We spent some time at Corfe Castle in Dorset (sunny), a few days on Dartmoor (wet,very) and pottered around on various days out.

It was fun, relaxing – like a holiday should be really and without all the stress of airports. The thing is you know you can’t guarantee the weather in dear old Blighty and as long as we understand that it’s likely to be rubbish we can enjoy ourselves.

It is all about knowing where to draw the line – and then not venturing east of it.

TALKING of holidays, schools are dumping the traditional Easter holiday and adopting the American approach. Research published last week has shown that hundreds of schools are scrapping the Easter holiday and going for a fixed ‘spring break’.

They might as well go the whole hog and call it a ‘vacation’ while they’re at it. For instance schools in Bournemouth, Poole and Dorset have already standardised the school year to fit this mould and Liverpool, St Helens and Warrington are to follow suit next year.

To be honest, I’ve never properly grasped the way Easter shuttles around our calendar. It’s something to do with a full moon, spring equinox and the Passover. Yes, it gives me a headache too.

Of course those in Christian circles are seriously unhappy about jettisoning the Easter holiday in favour of a spring break. A spokesman for the Church of England said: “While we appreciate that a varying date for Easter can cause some inconvenience, it is the most important Christian festival.”

She added: “Its movable nature demonstrates that not everything in life can be moulded to fit bureaucracy’s desire for neat predictability.”

Amen to that, so to speak.

Frankly I wasn’t aware there was a problem with the revolving door of Easter dates for schools and pinning it down to the American model is surely likely to create more grief.

I mean the kids are going to love being in school on Easter Monday when the rest of the country is partying on beaches from Newquay to... any others that are not in the east.