ARDAL O'Hanlon, Father Dougal in Father Ted, debut novelist, award-winning stand-up comedian, comes to Wycombe Swan tomorrow (Saturday). Jeremy Austin Quizzes the man who needs no introduction, but has one any way.

High Wycombe. Some thoughts...

Roundabouts. I think I spent two week's trying to get out of High Wycombe last time I came. But they are very nice roundabouts.

If you were a mouse, whose skirting board would you like to live in?

If I was a mouse I would like to be the mouse with the human ear attached to it for God knows what reason -- perhaps as some sort of listening device. It would have to be the skirting board of someone not afraid of mice. Ruud Gullit. He's not afraid of anything.

What's your favourite word?

Slippers, followed closely by flip-flops.

How would Father Dougal describe your show?

He would say it's a big load of nonsense. It is a big load of rubbish. It's all the little things that have been bugging me for the last two years. It started out as a good idea, but I fell back on my usual whimsy. It was about the stresses and strains of life in the 1990s, but its surreal and abstract.

Think of a number.

Okay, I've thought of one.

Your debut novel The Talk of the Town is out now, but what book would you like to have written?

It would be Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger because it made a huge impact on me when I was a teenager. It made me want to be a writer.

What's the best pet you've ever had?

I had a budgie once, but we were never very good with pets in my house. We let it fly around the room, but, because it lived in a cage, it wasn't a very fit budgie and it used to fall behind the radiator. We used to panic and get hair brushes to push it down. When he came out from behind the radiator, he would pretend nothing had happened. He would puff himself up and strutt around saying: "What? Nothing happened." He had a lot of pride.

You've won three Best Comedian awards and a major British comedy award, what prizes still eldude you?

An Oscar, an FA Cup Winners Medal, and the Nobel Prize for Peace.

You play Wycombe Swan on October 31, what will you give visiting trick or treaters?

A slap in the face. We always used to get pieces of friut when we went trick or treating. We were disgusted. We wanted sweets or money, but we got lots of fruit, so I would probably give them fruit.

Finally, I like being Ardal O'Hanlon because...

It means I am not John Redwood.

Ardal O'Hanlon plays Wycombe Swan tomorrow (Saturday). Tickets are available from the box office on (01494) 512000

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.