Bereaved families reject grave compromise

A BEREAVED father believes town councillors are out of touch with their community after they took issue with a ring of pebbles around his daughter's grave.

Simon Neill and his wife Karen collected 4,780 signatures on a petition supporting their fight to keep the decorations.

The distraught couple were given a 28-day ultimatum by Marlow Town Council last month to remove pebbles surrounding the grave of their 19-month-old daughter, Mary, after it deemed they were unsightly and contravened cemetery regulations.

Mr Neill told the Marlow Free Press: "Some of the town councillors should consider their position on the council and in the com- munity. They are out of touch with what the people in this town want -- the am- ount of people who signed the petition shows that."

But the overwhelming strength of feeling in Marlow against this decision has forced the council to make a U-turn and offer the family a compromise.

Mr and Mrs Neill, of Newtown Road, Marlow, were sent a letter from the council last week telling them they can keep the pebbles surrounding the grave if they place flat stones around the pebbles so cemetery staff can keep the grass short with a strimmer.

But the couple feel the proposed compromise by the town council has just brought the situation back to square one.

Mrs Neill said: "The suggestion by the council for us to surround the pebbles with a border is ridiculous. When we put the pebbles around our daughter's grave it was for a very good reason. We wanted a simple tribute for Mary. We wanted simplicity for her grave. Putting a formal border around her grave is just not suitable." She added: "I hoped that they would admit they had made a mistake and allow us to keep the decorations as they are. We have merely gone back to square one and will continue our fight to keep our tribute as we wish."

Marlow mayor James Campbell said: "We are all on the Neills' side and have a lot of empathy for the way they are feeling. I hope they accept our suggestion to resolve this situation."

He added the council had to take a long-term view when looking at the cemetery.

He said: "We have to think about how the cemetery will look in 100 years.

"It is also important to realise that families who look after graves there now might not do so in years to come. They may move away and it is the town council who is responsible for the upkeep of the cemetery."

The Neills are among 16 families deemed by the town council to have broken rules on embellishments at the cemetery on Wethered Road, Marlow, and told to remove decorations.

Cllr Campbell said a special committee had now been proposed to look at each of these cases individually before any final decision was taken.

Carol Meadon, of Douglas Court, Marlow, was told by the council she had to remove a grey rope-style stone edging she has used to decorate the grave of her dad, George Brainch and baby sister Pauline in the cemetery.

Mrs Meadon said: "I have yet to hear from the council on whether I shall be allowed to keep the decorations around our family grave. I only hope that the strength of feeling shown for the Neills will force them to think again and let families grieve in any way they want too."

Tom Walsh spoke to the Bucks Free Press in November to defend families who were told by the town council to remove decorations from graves.

Mr Walsh, of Oak Tree Road, Marlow, who has two generations of family buried in the cemetery, said the council should bring this issue to an end.

He said: "The whole situation is crazy. It's disgraceful. Why can't people be left to grieve in the way they want to? Why should the Neills have to put another border around their daughter's grave?"

He added the council should take note of the overwhelming public opinion on the matter and leave people's graves alone.

Diana Rogers, deputy clerk to the town council, said: "We are bending over backwards to accommodate the Neills.

"If they go ahead and put a surrounding border around the stones they will be able to keep their decorations. As for the other families affected, each case will be looked at on its own merits. We are not just going to remove anything that has been placed at the cemetery."

She added that regulations governing the cemetery were there to keep the whole of the area in good condition.

She said: "It is important that it looks nice and decent for everyone. We have to look at the cemetery, not just in the short term, but for the next 100 years. We could not have a situation where people could do whatever they want."

said: "We have suspended the ultimatum until the matter is resolved. We have taken notice of the petition and want to find a compromise." Campbell

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