Lost in Space Cert 109 mins Dir Stephen Hopkins SOMETIMES I read the quotes from fellow film reviewers splashed all over movie posters and ask: "Did they see the same film as me?"

Lost in Space is not the most spectacular film you'll see this summer -- or if it is, that's only because there is so little else being released. It lacks any depth in its plot, its characterisation and in its direction. The performances are done by the book and what is the point of the comedy green monkey? It is, at times, embarrassingly poor.

Having said that, it opens and closes in spectacular fashion. Some of the special effects will blow you away. The completely computer generated opening battle scene will astound even the most hardened and bitter sci-fi fans. It is, however, an empty promise. Nothing compares to the excitement, noise and sheer splendour generated by an over-budgeted special effects team until the closing credits. Unfortunately, it's not worth sitting through 100 minutes in between. Perhaps you could go along to watch it start, sneak out to watch a different film while its playing, and then sneak back in as the final credits role to catch them.

Here's what you will miss. Planet Earth is dying. Professor John Robinson (William Hurt) and his family are chosen to be frozen and sent off into space to the nearest identified planet able to support life where they will build a portal thus enabling the rest of us Earthlings to travel across space in a relatively short space of time and set up a new colony of humans.

Unfortunately, some environmental terrorist organisation supported by big businessmen are out to stop the Jupiter 2 mission. Dr Zachary Smith (Gary Oldman) is a wolf wrapped in synthetic sheep's clothing. He uses his position as mission scientist to reprogramme the ship's robot to destroy the ship on take-off. Things go wrong, however, and, to cut a long story short, the family and pilot Major Don West (Matt LeBlanc) find themselves, erm, lost in space.

So far so good, comparatively. It all goes horribly wrong once the space family Robinson gets lost. It seems script-writer Akiva Goldsman gets lost too and the crew finds itself floating around space with a damaged ship and no storyline to speak of. What little plot there is, is so thin that if it does hold your attention until the end, you need to see a doctor.

No, the original 1960s series was not famed for its plots either, but that is not the point. It had a wonderful camp humour. Gary Oldman's Smith lacks all the things that made Jonathan Harris so memorable as the original, effete cowardly scientist. Smith carried the television series. Here it's just another Oldman baddy.

Worse still is the dumming down of the robot. In the 1960s series we had a sentient being whose cry of "Danger Will Robinson" became the show's catchphrase. Here, his destruction at the start and very gradual reconstruction rob the movie of another of the features that made the original series.

Only Friends star Matt Le Blanc can hold his head up. Only he seems to have grasped that it is the porcine nature (all ham) that makes films and television shows such as this. His Major West has a jaw so square he makes David Coulthard look like a chinless wonder. He is Buzz Lightyear made flesh. It is a cracking performance the movie's saving grace.

All the themes that could have made this a great movie -- the upheaval faced by the family, particularly teenager Penny (the enigmatic yet squeaky Lacey Chabert), the environmental terrorist movement, the carte blanche given to a writer with the universe for inspiration -- have been forgotten. All the winning ingredients of the original series have been changed.

Perhaps if none of us goes to see this movie, the ominous warning of a sequel at the end will not come true. At least it couldn't be any worse.

Jeremy Austin

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.