WELL never in my life have I seen such breathtaking idiocy as I witnessed this week.

Roads being jammed as motorists queued to fill up on fuel to prevent being caught up in the non-existent petrol shortage.

I felt like screaming "Don't panic, Captain Manewaring" as I wove my way in and out of the traffic blocking the way.

But then to my horror I realised that by sick coincidence I had virtually no fuel left in my tank as I crawled past the lines of cars waiting at the various petrol stations in High Wycombe.

I had just about enough to get back home to dinner with Mrs Mann, but none to take me to my gentleman's lunch the next day.

I had a choice: join the crowd and panic like a wally or face public transport.

It was a no-brainer. I sneaked off after dinner, drove off into the night and purchased a full tank of ridiculously-expensive petrol. My dignity is important, of course, but I'll willingly sacrifice it to avoid trying to hunt out a bus or pay for a taxi.

The outcome is I am brimming with petrol at present, and Chancellor Gordon Brown has 65 per cent of the inflated fee I paid at the pumps. Multiply that by several hundreds of thousands of motorists and you'll see that Gord has made a mint out of this crisis.

We've played right into his hands. How dumb? Protest at the amount of tax he's taking by paying him shed-loads more.

In the cold light of day, I'm ashamed I filled up my car. But, as the saying goes, there's no fuel like an old fuel.