MY favourite story of the last few weeks in this paper was the one about the High Wycombe pensioners handed condoms and drug advice in Frogmoor ahead of a World Cup match.

A stunned Loudwater couple were each given a ‘community safety bag’ including information about domestic abuse and sexual health, a lollipop and a St George’s flag-design car freshener with an anti-crime message.

The pensioners were on their way to visit their grandchildren when they were handed the package by the police-backed Wycombe Community Safety Partnership before England’s World Cup clash with Slovenia.

So in honour of this bizarre tale, Backchat has listed its top five most inappropriate gifts to hand out in High Wycombe.

If you can do better, send me your inappropriate gift ideas and I will give a super Backchat prize of the crime prevention pack, including the condom, to the winner.

Reporter Simon Farr was given this by the pensioners and innocently asked me what to do with it after completing the story.

Luckily, he ignored my suggestion to use it as a balloon at his birthday party yesterday.

TOP 5 MOST INAPPROPRIATE GIFTS:

5. A bird bath for pigeons in Frogmoor

4. Vouchers for Woolworths and Burger King in High Wycombe

3. Maps of Southampton and Charlton for supporters of relegated Wycombe Wanderers (editor’s note: yes, they will be back up next year)

2. Mini-skirts for the masses of overweight women who insist on wearing leggings around town (a random weird suggestion by my svelte-like female deputy)

1. Free family passes to Holywell Mead open air swimming pool.