I’VE been too busy until now watching reruns of Star Trek to notice that there is an appalling-sounding ITV programme called the Biggest Loser.

It sent me a press release last week asking for applicants for the show.

At first, I thought I was a prime candidate, being a loser on an epic scale, but then I realised the subject matter was weight loss.

Last year’s winner apparently lost nearly ten stone.

Now producers are on a nationwide search for duos of friends and relatives desperate to lose a minimum of four stone in weight.

The programme aims to take these people, aged between 18 and 50, through a structured plan of rigorous exercise, training and diets.

They have to be available to live on a health retreat for eight weeks from September.

Frankly, the concept offends me.

We spend far too much time trying to lose weight and become skinny. What’s wrong with being chubby?

In fact, I might set up an alternative contest in Bucks for the Biggest Gainer.

Anyone who has gained more than four pounds can enter to celebrate the body beautiful. There should be stacks of candidates in High Wycombe.

But if you wish to ignore me and do want to go in for the ITV weight loss show, you can apply online at www.biggestloseruk.com or contact biggest.loser@shine.tv or ring 0844 678 0156.