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Look Who's now a proper author

9:20am Friday 5th February 2010

MANY of my contemporaries have been sending me copies of their autobiographies, some actually written by them and others, shall we say, ‘assisted’. I suppose it is now de rigeur for any self respecting actor who has achieved even a modicum of notoriety to write about their lives.

I landed in hole load of trouble

10:22am Friday 29th January 2010

I’M not sure whether another voice crying in the wilderness of potholes is going to achieve anything to improve the parlous state of our roads, which were bad enough before the ‘big freeze’ and are now approaching the level of disrepair associated with what we are pleased to call ‘third world countries’ for no logical reason.

Dr Who's not afraid of the big bad wolf

5:38pm Friday 22nd January 2010

When I was 12 years old, at an all boys school in Manchester, I played Phyllis, the lead soprano, in Gilbert and Sullivan’s ‘Iolanthe’.

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Blame culture is snow joke

8:52pm Wednesday 20th January 2010

THERE are lessons to be learned from the effects of the extreme weather of the last couple of weeks. Perhaps, first of all I should define what I mean by ‘extreme’. This level of snow would not be regarded as remotely extreme in many other countries in Northern Europe, because it happens to them more regularly and more predictably.

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Snow is great for panto? Oh no it isn't!

1:27pm Friday 8th January 2010

THE Inuit were alleged to have over a hundred words for snow, until it was realised that they didn’t all speak the same language. I have two – ‘Snow’ and another word, or indeed series of words, which I cannot include in this article.

2010 needs more Lumley moments

1:00pm Friday 1st January 2010

THE year 2009 was rather undistinguished in many ways. Or, put another way, it was a year that can be distinguished from other years more by its negatives than its positives. Not that there weren’t some positives. Barack Obama’s first full year in office after being given a mandate by the same electorate that gave the world eight years of George Dubya showed a definite coming of age tendency in the USA and one that couldn’t have been envisaged even a few years earlier.

My Xmas presence may be all I have

11:43am Wednesday 23rd December 2009

CHRISTMAS greetings from distant panto-land – Malvern in Worcestershire this year, which, I am delighted to report, is currently snow free although we had a minor and worrying flurry last night.

No we're not a soft touch

10:46am Friday 11th December 2009

I WAS chatting recently to a young American performer and asked him where he came from in the States. He told me he had been brought up in Orlando, Florida where his father worked for Disney.

Marky sparks me into action

10:29am Friday 4th December 2009

TWO weeks ago, I offered this column to the bidder of the highest donation to Children in Need. Not that the winner had to write it – (perhaps another year for that one?) but that he or she could choose the topic.

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Schools' denials always worry me

12:12pm Friday 27th November 2009

I WAS intrigued to read that Sir Ranulph Fiennes, one of that exotic breed who can genuinely describe themselves in their passports as ‘adventurer’ harbours an unsatisfied urge for revenge against the boys who bullied him at Eton.